Fun With Job Applications!

Having to fill out job applications is like having to work but not getting paid for it. I think it’s really a test to see if you want it bad enough. Maybe it’s the company’s way of saying “Ok, if we can get him to do this for free, we should have an easy time taking advantage of him further down the road.”

But there are ways to make it better AND increase your chances of getting hired! Most people who fill them out (ie. your competition) are going to do it totally boring and normal. And nobody wants a boring co-worker, so go nuts!   It’ll say to your future boss: “Hey, I’m a shoot-from the hip go-getter with a devil-may-care attitude and a serious love of hyphenated sayings!”

For instance, write in these classics:

               Have you ever been convicted of a felony?   Yes__  No  X

“I leave no witnesses.”

               Gender: Male __  Female __

“More like BRUCE Gender. I mean Jenner.”

                Related Work Experience:

“Communications Director; Al Qaeda”

                Roles and Responsibilities:

“Produced training videos of masked men swinging on playground equipment, managed Twitter account, etc.”

Seriously, have you noticed that? Why are they always on monkey bars on those clips they show on the news? What the hell do they think the Jihad is going to be like? Recess??

Legal Disclaimer: the above does not constitute “advice” and by reading this you absolve the author (Me. Hi.) of any resulting litigation or denied employment. However, it does count as a “job search related activity” for your unemployment, you leech upon society you.

Leave a Reply

Please log in using one of these methods to post your comment: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out /  Change )

Google photo

You are commenting using your Google account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s